Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
