Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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