so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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