remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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