Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
