they need to just BURY HIM!
someone owes me an orgasm
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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