I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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