I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
