Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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