I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
