Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
