two words: eviction party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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