Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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