I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
