And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
