If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Duck Duck Cougar?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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