It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
