Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
