that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
