I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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