I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
