We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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