Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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