My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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