We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I understand Curling. That high.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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