Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
