so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
