Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's the barista slut.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize