i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
no, he came in my armpit
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
