I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
