I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i need some magic done to my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
