we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
