idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize