I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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