just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
