how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
