I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
