Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
