I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
