when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
