Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
