If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
