when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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