Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
