I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
