I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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