Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
