after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
