have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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