I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
