I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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