yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
