do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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