I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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