This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
