So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
