I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
