shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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