He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
