Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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