After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
