Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
