I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
