Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize