so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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