she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
