shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
