did you get engaged???
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
