peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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