Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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