I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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