Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
