you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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