I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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