A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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