That's intense
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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