Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
