i don't like sucking hair
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
